If you are so unhappy with the way you look...why did you let it get this bad? Its NOT a simple question folks. Its not like I woke up one day and decided that I was gonna quit trying. I have a large family. On my fathers side I would say all but maybe, MAYBE three of the adults are overweight. So yes I believe genetics plays into it. Also we are all really good at baking/cooking/candy making and we ENJOY it. We were raised to believe that if you put it on your plate you will eat it all or you won't leave the table, have dessert, you'll go to bed early, etc. There was always a form of punishment if you didn't clean your plate. Plue having grown up a country girl you DID NOT waste food. It was wrong and it cost money.
Anyway so there are a lot of factors for how "I let myself get this bad". For a time in highschool I tried REALLY REALLY hard to be skinny and for the most part I was. I was never and am never going to be a size two. I would look sick. I'm 5'9" and big boned, but at size 12, which I was my junior year and lowest weight, I looked pretty damn good.
Ok so I looked good and knew how to take care of myself right.....so why didn't I? Well because 8 years ago I didn't think I looked good. Sounds stupid right...fat girl is skinny....should be PRETTY obvious. Wrong. When you grow up having it put into your head that you are not skinny and just need to keep losing a few more pounds and you will be, one of two things happen.
You either:
1. become anorexic
2. believe its never going to happen and gain weight back.
I obviously did the second one. I graduated highschool, still looking pretty damn good, and moved out of my parents house to go to college. Thats where the problems began.
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*Yeah* I'd glady go back to HS Grad size/weight. :o( But at this point, I don't think I could even maintain it. The weight I was when I met Brad... that's more maintainable, and just 15lbs and a size bigger than HS grad.
ReplyDeleteActually...I became bulimic at 13 because that did happen...but that's only because I never had the willpower to be anorexic, truly. Also 5'9", was a fat kid, had a father that weighed me and a mother that harped at me about it because she was skinnier than I was by the time I was 9 or 10. *hugs* I just wanted to say that I kinda know what you're going through now, Dear. Hang in there.
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